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About Varied / Artist joe-wright25/Male/United Kingdom Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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'Imogen's bosom heaved as the scaly creature bore down on her. She was famous for being an eccentric adventurer, but had she been too eccentrically adventurous this time?

'She threw her head back in abandon. If fucking a velociraptor was wrong, she didn't want to be right.'

Susan squinted at her kindle. She wasn't quite sure why she'd downloaded this. These stories always seemed to portray rape as a valid romantic option, it creeped her out.

Suddenly a pack of velociraptors burst into the room. It wasn't consensual at first, but after a while it became consensual, so it was okay.
Bodice Ripper
FFM day thing. Seven? Seven.

The challenge was to create your own challenge using the following:



Bullet; Blackone thing from each of the following lists:

List A: wordcount

Bullet; Blue101 words

Bullet; Blue365 words

Bullet; Blue666 words

Bullet; Blue999 words


List B:  genre

Bullet; Greenwestern

Bullet; Greenurban fantasy

Bullet; Greenbodice ripper

Bullet; Greenschool story

Bullet; Greenghost story


List C: character

Bullet; Purpleretired pirate

Bullet; Purplefairground giant

Bullet; Purplevulnerable bully

Bullet; Purplebored traffic cop

Bullet; Purpleeccentric adventurer

Bullet; Purplequirky goth


List D: additional element

Bullet; Pinkextreme weather

Bullet; Pinka sporting event

Bullet; Pinkfamily heirloom

Bullet; Pinka feast

Bullet; Pinka disused sewer

Bullet; Pinka surprise

Bullet; Pinkthe discovery of a corpse.

I chose 'Object: Amazon Kindle, 1: 101 words, 2: Bodice Ripper, 3: Eccentric Adventurer, 4: A SURPRISE??!?!??' because obviously.
“The signs! Look at the signs!”

The bedraggled priest howls over the wind and rain as they drag him out of the police station and slam the doors shut. Finally we have some peace and quiet, at least relatively speaking; the phones are still off the hook, everyone in town seems to think we were in charge of flood prevention for some reason, and we've had three people bursting in screaming about prophecies. Storms always bring out the crazies.

Given a choice between the madness indoors and the weather outdoors, I'd probably look for a third option. Unfortunately for me, I have a crime scene to get to. I shrug on my coat and head for the door.

“If the river gets inside the office, try to save the photos off my desk,” I tell Sarina. She's on a call, but she shoots me a wink and a smile.

Outside, the wind whistles through the streets and wields the rain like a whip. The underground car park has been sandbagged, but as luck would have it I was late this morning anyway so my car's parked up on the kerb. The water's almost up to the axles.

I climb in and pull away. The wipers are on full and they barely make a difference. Lightning flashes. I look up and see a flock of geese flying south, two missing spaces in their formation. Thunder rumbles.

I pull up at the scene of the crime and wait for my car's wake to pass by before opening the door. My partner's here already, greeting me from the shelter of the porch.

“It's a real mess in there,” he says.

Two dogs lie dead on the hallway floor. Their owner is understandably distraught, she can barely manage to look at them. I offer a few comforting words, little as they're worth.

“Any guess how it happened?” I ask O'Mahoney when she's out of earshot.

He grimaces. “First I thought they were bludgeoned with something, but the more I see, the more it looks like someone went at them with his bare hands.”

“Jesus Christ. What the fuck is this?”

“Fuck if I know. I swear, whenever the weather's like this, the crazies come out of the woodwork.”

“Tell me about it.”

We're taking my car back to the station when O'Mahoney slaps my arm. “Hey, pull over.”

As soon as I stop he climbs out, letting water slosh into the footwell. I'm about to yell at him when I see what he's heading for. Two domestic cats spin lazily in the current.

“This is fucked,” he says, summing up the situation quite succinctly.

A dead dove falls from the sky and slaps onto the bonnet of my car. There's something in its beak.

Suddenly, the crazy priest's words come back to me.

“My God,” I whisper. “The prophecy. It's true.”

The silhouette of a massive boat emerges from the storm, a bearded man at its prow, a dead badger in each fist.

I fall to my knees in fear and awe. There's no escape from what's coming, it's written in the stars and the scriptures.

Two of every animal, and we're next.
With a scorched cloak on his back and two arrows in his arse, a dwarf made his way along the Amberlea riverside. He saw the sign of the Golden Dragon ale house and shivered. Dragons. Too soon.

As he passed the door, a ruddy-faced halfling raised his beer thimble in greeting. “Ho there! Here for the vegetable competition this afternoon?”

“Have you not heard?” asked the dwarf. “The Necrolock has raised a world-ending army. Every human able to hold a sword marches west as we speak! The smart races are heading East.”

“You should see Mrs Hurgsplirdle's pumpkins, I'd bet you ten thimbles she'll be walking home with firs' place!”

“Are you not listening to me? Monsters are coming! You need to get out of here now, or you and everyone you care about will be dead within the week!”

The halfling snorted. “What goes on beyond Farmer Gherkin's hill is neither here nor there.”

“No, it definitely is there, and it'll be here too as soon as the battle's over. They're going to kill everyone.”

“I'm not one f'r mess'n in politics.”

The dwarf took a second while his brain and ears conferred. “They're going to kill everyone,” he repeated.

“Listen, 'f anyone wants to try and ruin the vegetable competition, they's going to have to contend with Mrs Hurgsplirdle. I don't fancy their chances one bit, I have to say.”

“This is madness. I don't understand how you can be so relaxed about this.”

The halfling blew out a tremendous purple cloud of pipe weed. “Jus' my nat'ral disposition I s'pose,” he said.
Chronicles of Midlurth VII: Beyond our Borders
FFM day 5! The continuing chronicles of my own *ahem* original setting, copyright me, do not steal etc.
I drink the last of the willowspirit and screw up my eyes against the migraine. Dangerous stuff. Drink it all at once and you'll be dead before the dawn.

I'm close now. There's a forest shrine nestled in the shadow of the Edzull hills, where the wirewights commune with their dead god. I know it well, and dozens of other such places that litter the Ossifus isles. One by one I visit them, stepping stones on a pilgrimage that ends I know not where.

The willowspirit stings my eyes, and begins to reveal the toxic sunrise. The shadowed treetops are heavy with crows and hunched things. Greenteeth and Grendelows paw at the grass by the stream. Some of these things are real and some of them are the willowspirit in my veins. I keep my distance from all of them.

Thirteen bells I wear on my belt, and thirteen magicks burn at the tip of my tongue. The book of binding sits in my satchel like a cannonball, alongside three black ritual candles that I won't be using tonight. I'll need another candle, of a different sort altogether.

The light beyond light has bleached the forest like the radiance of a deity, exposing everything with its stark white purity. My eyes weep to behold it. It shows me the shrine.

Thirteen wirewights lie prostrated before a hollow in the rock. The hollow is a little taller than a man, and a little wider. In spite of what the willowspirit has done to my eyes, its shadows remain pitch black.

When I draw close, the wights' heads turn as one to me. Their wizened limbs unfold and they hoist themselves up, without ever breaking their eyeless gaze. They start to approach, and I watch, and I wait.

One of them croaks, and somehow I hear words.

As I am, so shall you be, it says.

As we are, so are your family, says another.

They are close now. Close enough that I see the runes carved in the pebbles they wear for eyes. You sought to kill death, so you sacrificed life, spits the closest, as it reaches for my neck.

I speak the word of fire, and hold the hand of glory aloft. A small blue flame dances at the tip of each finger. The wights stand frozen.

I draw a silver bell and ring it, and as the sound hangs in the cold air a name comes to my tongue.

“Valia,” I say, and the bell shatters. The wight that was Valia bursts into flames.

I draw another bell and ring it.

“Thura,” I say, and fire reflects in the silver shards.

Ten more bells ring and break. One wight remains.

She wears a red brooch.

You owed a last breath, so you offered your wife's.

The molten wax of the hand sears my skin. I remain motionless.

“Mira” I whisper, and watch as the fire consumes her body.

The last bell remains in my belt.
FFM day 4! Red pill challenge! This required 500 words and the following:

1. Use the name of someone who was in chat when you arrived at the beginning.
- toxic--sunrise

2. Relate to a story written by an FFM'er on this day in 2009.
- Migraine by Liquid Etherealism

3. Include a prompt from the 2010 bank.
- Thirteen bells by The-Inkling

4. Have some reference to Ed's infamous Assku.
- I think this was fairly clear

5. Utilize one of the challenge options from Day 31, 2014
- Descent into madness!

6. Involve an important choice AND/OR drugs of some variety, whether prescription or otherwise
- Choice: It turns out he turned his wife into a zombie! What a twist!
- Drugs: Willowspirit. It doesn't seem entirely healthy.
Do you have any shirtless nerds you need to cover up? I've just started up a store at Neatoshop, and I have one free shirt to give away! If you want to be in with a chance, check out the Facebook post for the competition here
Let me know which design is your favourite in the comments, and a winner will be announced next week!

On the writing side of things, I'm gearing up for Flash Fiction day on June 22nd! It promises to be a day packed to the gills with fun and desperate scribbling, so if you're interested you can register said interest here!

E3 is also looming out of the mist, blinding all the peasants with the acid neon glow of concentrated hype. Are you guys looking forward to seeing anything in particular? I'm hoping for a release date for No Man's Sky and some gameplay footage of the new Mass Effect.
  • Mood: Wow!
  • Listening to: Super Best Friendcast
  • Watching: Springwatch
  • Playing: Bloodborne NG+



Artist | Varied
United Kingdom
Joe is basically Charlie Brown only instead of a dog he has social anxiety issues.
He spends most of his time thinking about etymology and looking like a startled owl.

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simeberg Featured By Owner Edited 1 day ago  Professional Filmographer
Thanks for the :+fav: Joe!
Professor068-Skitty Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2015
Hey, I am an ethnobotanist for now. Clap Geography and language amazes me.
Sweating a little... 
Professor068-Skitty Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2015
However, I cannot find books on Latin.
Believe it or not,  Latin helps a lot in the medical and taxonomy communities.
So how did you find these books?
LizRay Featured By Owner May 30, 2015
hey there,
i realize you do hear this a lot; but your writing is brilliant! =) you might even make it as the next terry pratchett one day. and even if you didn't become as famous as him; i think you could be as good.
joe-wright Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2015   General Artist
Wow thank you! I'll keep on trying, thanks for the encouragement! =)
IzzyMarrie Featured By Owner May 30, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I'm really liking your writings.  I'm adding you to my watch;  I don't have time to read everything just yet, but so far, the short stories I've read in your gallery were amazing and so I definitely plan on reading more  ^_^
joe-wright Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2015   General Artist
Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying them so far! =)
IzzyMarrie Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're much welcome  ^_^
rydersanandreas Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014   Writer
Mr. Wright, i left a note on your inbox, it's midly important for you to answer.
Thanks for your time.
plumita1 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
:iconheartsignplz: Thanks a lot for faving! :iconthankiesplz::iconforyouplz:...Ready, set, go! by plumita1
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