The Legendary Golden Chickenbo

Gale Gullwing sat with a chickenbo in each hand, rubbing them together vigourously.

“Have SEX,” he hissed.

Sir Siegmund raised his visor, squinting in bafflement. He'd just been passing by on his way to the galley, but after witnessing this he had no choice but to stop in his tracks, besides which he'd lost his appetite.

“What the hell are you doing, Gale?”

Gale fixed him with a glare. “Don't call me that. That's my default name. I'm Tempest now.”

“...Why?”

“Some old dude in Guttertown offered to change my name in exchange for a magic mirror. Now I have a name as badass as I deserve.”

“Wait, the magic mirror? The one containing the princess' long-lost sister's soul?”

Gale put a finger to his lips. “Shhh.”

Siegmund frowned. “Why do the subtitles still say 'Gale'?”

“What?” Gale went into the pause menu and checked his status. “That fucker.”

“Okay, so now that's out of the way-”

“It's a sad day when you can't trust a creepy old wizard from the slums anymore.”

“Getting back to the matter at hand, what the hell are you doing, Gale?”

Gale looked at Siegmund, then at the unhappy chickenbos he was rubbing together, then back to Siegmund again.

“What, this?”

Siegmund nodded slowly.

“I'm breeding a golden chickenbo. You take a blue chickenbo, and a red chickenbo, and they make a purple chickenbo. Then you take a green chickenbo, and a pink chickenbo, and they have a three-way with the purple chickenbo, and... wait, I might be remembering wrong. Oh, and you have to feed them something specific. Oysters, I think.”

“And the point of this little experiment in Eugenics is what? An Aryan super-chicken?”

“A blue chickenbo can swim,” said Gale in a self-satisfied tone, “and a red chickenbo can climb mountains. A green chickenbo can navigate forests, and a purple chickenbo can go spelunking, but only the legendary golden chickenbo is capable of flight. We can ride this fucker anywhere we want!”

Siegmund's face was stony. “Firstly, it's the size of a football. Secondly, we're on an airship right now. How long is this going to take? The world could literally end at any second. Lord Bloodbramble has been on the verge of summoning the Negaworld for a week now, and that's very generously ignoring the seven months we spent in the card battle dimension! Thank god time doesn't work the same way there!”

“We're not fighting the Negasummoner until we've achieved 100% completion, we've been through this. If you want to save the world, you'd better settle in and start rubbing these chickenbos together.”

“I don't think that's going to make a baby.”

As Siegmund set to work, Smalls the eight-year-old mage walked through the door.

“No, Smalls! Cover your eyes! Cover your eyes!”

It was too late. Siegmund watched in horror as Smalls' experience counter shot through the roof.

Smalls levelled up! Smalls is an adult now.