Choose

PAGE ONE

You look at a huge door. The princess is inside, waiting to be rescued. The glowing fairy fluttering around your head tells you 'The door is locked! You need the dragon key to open the door!'
You look around.

If you venture west, turn to page two.

If you explore east, turn to page ten.


PAGE TWO

You encounter a goblin.
You hit it for 6HP.
He hits you for 2HP.
You hit it for 6HP.
The goblin disappears in a puff of smoke.
The fairy shouts 'HEY! LISTEN!' in a shrill voice.

To listen, turn to page five.

To ignore her and continue your quest, turn to page three.


PAGE THREE

You encounter a bird.
You swing at it with your sword and miss.
It hits you for 4HP.
You miss again.
You dodge its attack as you begin to make sense of its bizarre movement pattern.
You hit it for 5HP.
It disappears in a puff of smoke.
You levelled up!
The fairy shouts 'HEY! LISTEN!' in a shrill voice.

To listen, turn to page five.

To ignore her and continue your quest, turn to page four.


PAGE FOUR

You find an old cave.
The fairy shouts 'DO A BARREL ROLL!'

To enter the cave, turn to page seven.

To deal with the fairy, turn to page six.


PAGE FIVE

The fairy says 'You need the dragon key!'

Return to page two.


PAGE SIX

You crush the fairy in your fist.

Turn to page seven.


PAGE SEVEN

An old man sits in the cave. He offers you a sword.
'It's dangerous to go alone!'
You look at the sword you already have. It's just as pointy as this other sword. There is no logical reason the new one would somehow do more damage to an enemy. The old man tells you it has a base attack of 12. You don't know what that means.

To take the new sword anyway, turn to page eight.

To refuse the new sword, turn to page nine.


PAGE EIGHT

Hey, two swords right? Why not? You see a goblin and decide to give a little demonstration of your dual-wielding skills.
You flail spasmodically and miss the goblin.
The goblin looks at you disdainfully.
You attack and do 15 damage to your own arm. It falls off.

You are dead.

To retry, turn to page one.


PAGE NINE

You start throwing a boomerang repeatedly at the old man's face and he's just sitting there doing nothing! You show your friend.
'Hnar. Cool.'
You return to the dungeon where the princess is being held. You still don't have the dragon key.

Turn to page one.


PAGE TEN

You are eaten by a grue.

To retry, turn to page one.


PAGE ELEVEN

You kick the fucking door down, because you don't need no fucking key. You make your own rules.
As you make out with the princess, you think about all the losers in the world who do what they're told and never ask why. Good thing you're not one of them!
You ride off with the hot princess on your awesome Harley.

Turn to whatever fucking page you like, who gives a damn.